Avery Monsen & Jory John are notable contradictions: emaciated men with huge ideas, shirt-makers who only wear leather trousers, truth-seekers who continually tell lies to the public and post misspelled rants underneath YouTube videos. Even though they own a high-traffic website, neither of them fully believe in the existence of the Internet. "At best, it's a trend," they say in unison, before breaking into a hilarious impression: "Oh, look at us! We're the Internet! We're sooooooooooooooooooo important! Whoop-de-doo! We're the most important thing in the whole wide world! Seriously, talk to us in 2009, when everybody's moved on to some other gizmo or gazmo. World wide web? More like 'World wide baby toy for crybabies.' Chat room? More like 'Crying room for crying babies who play with baby toys.'"

If certain trends continue, they will have been — as always — proven correct and the Internet will fade. Computers which were once dust will become dust again. Floppy disks will blow through city streets like tumbleweeds. But in the meantime, Avery sticks to his typewriter while Jory diligently takes notes and makes doodles in Sharpie on his leg. His latest creation he calls "Cloud Unicorn Sunset Rain Dance." 

Furthermore, Avery & Jory are complex individuals forming a simple team behind a complex philosophy underneath a simple theorem. Avery doesn't eat much meat while Jory  throws hunks of bloody cow carcass into the street to accentuate certain points. Avery has a collection of high school wrestling trophies (not his own) while Jory has more than 60 spools of yarn that he's going to use to make — in his words — "a massive sweater that will clothe the entire world twice over." Avery doesn't drink much coffee while Jory uses an intravenous espresso-drip. Avery quilts while Jory makes bead earrings. Avery is scared of the dark while Jory is sensitive to light, sound, touch, smell or fast movements. Avery's favorite movie is "Beethoven" starring Charles Grodin while Jory's favorite "Beethoven" movie is "Beethoven the Second." 

Most people who come across this dynamic shirt-making duo compare them to famous duos such as Lucy and Ethel, Lennon and McCartney, and Lucy and Ricky. It's been years since Avery or Jory has given an interview to the press, but years don't matter, really. Neither do computers or t-shirts or ideas. None of it does. The only thing that matters, to these guys, is friendship, beading, quilting, nonsense-biographies, "Beethoven," other people's trophies and clothing the world ... 

Avery & Jory are the personification of the American Dream, with a touch of the Peruvian Flu. They are very happy that you're here.

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How much does shipping cost?
The first shirt is $4.00, and each shirt after that is only $1.50. For example, shipping 4 shirts would cost $8.50.

How long until I get the stuff I ordered?
Items generally take 1 week to arrive inside the USA or 2-3 weeks outside the USA.

Can I get my shirts delivered faster than that?
Sure. Just let us know you're in a rush, and we can tell you about faster shipping options.

I haven't received my order yet!
We're sorry for the delay. If it's been more than 2 weeks since you placed the order, send us an email. We'll find your shirt and save the day.

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Who makes your shirts?
All of our shirts are printed by the nice folks at Mammoth Printshop on American Apparel blanks. We love American Apparel shirts. They are the softest, nicest-fitting shirts you'll find anywhere, plus they're made in the USA without any sweatshop labor. Awesome.

What size should I order?
American Apparel shirts run a little small and will shrink about a half a size in the first wash. If you like a snug, fitted shirt, order your normal size. Otherwise you should probably order one size larger.

Sizing charts for all our shirts can be found here:
American Apparel Men's Shirts
American Apparel Women's Shirts
American Apparel Baby Shirts

Any special washing instructions?
Wash warm, dry low. Try to keep colors separate from whites, especially on the first wash. You know, basic laundry stuff.

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How can I be sure this store is secure?
We use PayPal for all transactions on this site. For more information, read PayPal's Privacy Policy. If you don't trust PayPal for some reason, like if you're a caveman who doesn't understand the internet, just email us and we can work something out. Maybe you can trade us some shiny rocks for a shirt.

How come the "Add to Cart" buttons aren't working?
You must have pop-ups enabled or the shopping cart portion of this page will not work. if you click on the links and nothing happens, you gotta turn on pop-ups. If you're confused about this, email us.

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Can I use your shirt designs on my website?
Yes and no. This isn't a free clip art website. You can't use our drawings for your website's logo or sell your own shirts with our images or ideas. You can, however, use them on your MySpace or LiveJournal, if you also put a prominent link to our site. Like, directly under the image.

Can I copy stuff from your blog to my website?
If you like something that we wrote, just link to us. Then people will see our stuff and everyone will be happy.

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What is your return policy?
If you wear a shirt and get it all sweaty and gross, it's yours. Sorry. However, if you try it on and don't like it, you can return it for the first 30 days and get a full refund, minus the price of shipping it to you.

What about exchanges?
We want to make sure you're happy with your shirt. If it doesn't fit right, well, you probably should have looked at the sizing chart. But what's done is done. Just send it back to us. We'll have to charge you shipping for the replacement, but at least your new shirt will fit. Right? We'll get you your new shirt within the week.

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Can I sell your shirts/cards/stuffed animals in my store?
Sure! Send us an email, and we'll send you all the information you want!

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