Baseball! The great American pastime, I guess! Now I’m not a guy who normally goes to a lot of baseball games. I prefer my own great American pastime: sitting quietly indoors. In my apartment, see, there’s little-to-no chance a ball will fly into my face. Today, outdoors, at the game: one ball, very near my face. “Be careful!” I shrieked at anyone who would listen, including two pigeons and a baby.

History! I think baseball was invented during the Great Depression, or possibly even earlier! Back then, instead of bats, they used sticks. And instead of bases, they used the unemployed.

The game has progressed a lot since then, I’m sure. It seems like these guys I saw today were running really fast, which I imagine didn’t happen as much in olde-timey days. “Take it easy,” they’d say back then, standing on the lower back of an unemployed gentleman. “There’s a Depression on.”

But boy did these guys run! Everywhere I looked, there was another little man in his little costume, running around the field for some reason. To and fro they galloped, like little angry steeds wearing cleats and stripey pants. These steeds really had someplace to go!

When they weren’t running, they were throwing all kinds of balls and swinging bats around like maniacs! At one point, one team got a higher score because they swung the bats more accurately and threw the balls faster and galloped with more panache, I believe. This one man hit the ball right in its center! I thought that ball was a goner for sure, but then this other man caught it! “No way,” I shrieked at everyone, including three babies and six pigeons. A plump single mother turned around and asked me politely to take it easy, and that I was upsetting her baby. I politely told her to take it easy and that her baby was upsetting my pigeons and that if she wasn’t careful, there’d be some kind of pigeons-versus-babies turf war. It seemed like we were pretty much at an impasse, so I sat down and ate some garlic fries.

In conclusion, I give the day an A, for ace-ball, which is what I now call baseball.