A Few Actual Spam Comments We Had To Erase From Our Website And A Short One-Man Play Inspired by #14

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THE STRONGEST AMONG US
A One-Act Play by Avery Monsen, based on spam

A MAN WITH NO BOTTOM: (holding back tears)

O, bottom! My bottom that never was. My sweet, warm nothingness. My zero-calorie honeypot. My anti-matter moneymaker.

O, desperation! O, calamity! O bitter, merciless truth! There will come a shining day, friends. Soon, a day will come soaring over mountaintops on the back of an eagle, so bright and glorious that you will be left deaf and blind and everything tasting like tin-foil. But I will smile wide as this day burns its way into being. I will show my teeth. For this is the day I receive my bottom.

Blow, you winds of change! Gallop, you midnight stallions! A bottom is on its way.

(Curtain.)

One Comment

  1. John
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 9:04 am | Permalink

    Monsen’s new play, “The Strongest Among Us,” evokes the same visceral, Northern-California-Rage as “A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius.” It makes you wonder why it took Dave Eggers a hundred-or-so pages to do what Monsen did in a couple of sentences. Hang on tight to your pretty, bestselling bottom, Dave… Avery Monsen, sans bottom, is coming for yours, and he is way angrier and more concise than you.
    -The New York Times Book Review

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